Relationships
Online Dating: Everything You Need to Know to Avoid the Creepers
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Online dating is supposed to make your dating life easier — and usually it does. But when you hear horror stories ranging from your tall, toned windsurfer24 looking more like slant-shouldered, stocky couchpotato42 to the grim tales of the CraigsList Killer, it’s smart to do your homework before heading out to dinner with a stranger. We snagged some awesome tips from Investidate’s Maria Coder for protecting yourself on- and offline from the three most common dangers: physical, financial and emotional.
Physical Dangers: We know, we know. You’re an adult, you’re smart and you feel like you know this person already. Fair enough, but don’t let your Internet infatuation threaten your physical safety. You’re much more attractive when you’re alive.
- Meet your date in a well-lit public place.
- Don’t go to his or her apartment!
- Don’t get in his or her car.
- Don’t have them pick you up at your place.
Financial Dangers: You’re wise enough (we hope!) to know that lending money to strangers isn’t going to have a good return investment. But what if he’s cute, camo-clad and texts you all the time? Soldiers and investment bankers are the biggest scams in online dating, because they tug not only at your wallet, but also at your heart strings.
- The alleged soldier fighting for our country will try to woo you. Then an “emergency” happens, and they need money. These are not real soldiers, but con artists using photos and names of real soldiers (that’s cold!). The U.S. Army even sent out a warning about this epidemic because it’s so rampant.
- Investment bankers are joining Facebook and online dating sites. They’ll join groups to form an immediate bond — likely with someone you know. They’ll infiltrate the groups using six degrees of separation — and they’ll wait for you to come to them to complain about the economy, stock market, etc. The scammers will then use that to get money from you. You built trust with this person and took their advice, and chances are you advised your friends as well — and the scam snowballs.
What You Can Do: Investidate’s Maria Coder has some simple but absolutely genius tips for staying safe online and investigating your dates — no trench coats or hiding in bushes required.
- Use one email address solely for dating, email yourself your plans and give the password to two good friends. If heaven forbid you don’t turn up the next morning, your gal pals can log in and look for you — they’ll know where you’re going, what you’re doing and who you’re with.
- Make a database. Over time, you accumulate a ton of information on your dates, both online and off. Email it all to yourself so you can cross-reference it and maintain contacts. Coder shared this anecdote: She met a guy on Craigslist who wound up being married. Coder later went on Match.com and saw that the same creep looked at her profile. Later still, eHarmony matched her to him!
- Don’t assume pay sites are safer. Craigslist has a bad rap, it’s just as safe — and unsafe — as any other site. If you pay for a site you have an illusion of more safety.
- Speaking of CraigsList… Create your date post. Then create a second date post, then a control (fake) post. Wait and see who responds to what and if their answers match. (This is where your database comes in!) If a guy is a creep, it’s much better to find out before you’re in a coffee shop and he has your number.
- Make sure your date has updated photos. Dangers come in when photos are of completely different people. A good tip: Request a shot of them reading today’s paper.
- Call the switchboard after hours wherever your date says he works. Lying about key elements is a bad sign. If he lies about where he works, what else is he hiding? Note that due to the recession, a guy may be hesitant to admit that he’s not working, which is somewhat understandable — but it’s not a healthy foundation for a relationship if he fibs from the get-go.
Sites to Check Out: Googling your date probably isn’t a good idea — if he’s a nice guy, it’ll creep him out, and if he’s not, it probably won’t turn up a lot of information you’d need anyway. Try these instead.
- Familywatchdog.us lets you know if he’s a sex offender or other criminal. You can search by name or address.
- Spydialer.com lets you know if that cell number is really his.
- PhoneValidator.com lets you know if that workplace number is a land line or cell. (Hint: If it’s a cell, it’s probably not a good sign.)
- Do your homework before going out, but don’t jump to conclusions. Sixty percent of communication is through body language, so get to know your date in person.
- Dealbreakers vary from person to person. Only you know what you’re comfortable with.
- Remember: People who have nothing to hide hide nothing.