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3 Ways to Masturbate as a Couple
(And build a stronger relationship while you’re at it)

Want a simple secret for a better sex life?

Masturbate more. Masturbate often. And masturbate together.

It sounds almost too basic, but it can solve a lot of the common problems couples face.

Mismatched sex drives is the big one. Most couples deal with it, and for many it’s a major source of frustration.

If you’re the higher-libido partner, regular self-pleasure keeps you from getting too pent-up. Getting off with your partner also gives you some of the sexual intimacy you’re missing.

If you’re the lower-libido partner, masturbating more regularly helps you stay connected to your own sexuality and prevents sexual frustration from building. Masturbating together is also a perfect option on nights when you’re mildly horny but not in the mood for full-on sex.

It can improve the sex you do have, too.

Everyone knows communication is the key to better sex, but most people struggle to be direct about what they want. Partnered masturbation makes that easier. Once you’ve watched each other get yourselves off, you’re less likely to stay shy or indirect. It gets you used to being exposed and vulnerable with each other—the foundation of good sexual communication.

You also learn a lot just by watching. You’ll see what kind of stimulation your partner prefers, what positions feel best, whether they touch other parts of their body, and what they do when they’re close. Those observations give you real clues about how to turn them on and help them come.

Plus, masturbating together tends to make couples more relaxed. It could be the extra orgasms, the emotional closeness of sharing something intimate, or simply the way it removes some of the shame around solo sex. Whatever the reason, it often takes pressure and tension out of the relationship.

Every couple will find their own rhythm. Here are the three approaches that work especially well.

1. The Open Masturbation Policy

My husband used to only masturbate in the bathroom because it was the only private space he had. I invited him to do it in bed instead. That became our open policy.

We’ve been together a long time and have seen each other do just about everything, so masturbating next to each other doesn’t feel like a big deal. If he wants a comfortable session before sleep, he simply strokes off while we’re settling in for the night. If I can’t fall asleep, I can put a pillow between my legs and rock against it until I’m relaxed and ready to drift off.

It’s never been awkward. It just works.

There’s also a lighter version: simply being open and direct about it. No sneaking, no vague excuses. Just straightforward comments like, “I’m going to have a quick one before bed,” or “I was stressed, so I had a long session in the bath.” Honesty removes the secrecy and the weirdness.

2. Mutual Masturbation

An open policy is low-pressure and comfortable. Mutual masturbation is more fun.

It turns solo play into a shared activity - like watching a movie together instead of alone (except the “movie” is usually more explicit).

Lying side by side and getting yourselves off is intimate without needing to be performative. You’re not putting on a show or trying to look sexy. You’re simply focused on your own pleasure, whatever that looks like. You don’t even have to get fully undressed.

Use whatever toys you feel like. Get into whatever position feels natural. Put on porn if you both want it. Masturbate next to each other, then relax afterward. Everyone gets to come as many times as they want, and no one ends up frustrated.

That’s it. Simple, low-effort, and satisfying.

3. Masturbating for Each Other

Mutual masturbation is easy and low-mental-load. But giving each other a deliberate show is hotter.

When you want to turn up the intensity, switch from masturbating next to each other to masturbating for each other. You’re still primarily touching yourselves, but now it’s intentional and performative.

You tease. You talk dirty. You show more skin and watch each other closely because that’s the point. You might choose positions that look hot even if they’re not your usual favorites. You bring out extra toys for the visual effect, not just for your own variety.

You don’t hold back from start to finish.

Because it takes more energy and focus, you probably won’t do it as often as basic mutual sessions. But when you do, it’s playful, flattering, and makes both of you feel desired.

Share the Good Times

I can’t promise that masturbating with your partner will magically fix every issue in your sex life or relationship. It probably will help, but there’s no guarantee.

What I can say is that masturbation is almost always a win. Even if communication still feels hard and some tension remains, you’ll still have more pleasure and more orgasms. That alone is worthwhile.

So get yourself off as often as you want. And when the mood is right, make it a couple’s activity. You might be surprised how much difference it makes.